Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Poseidon

this scene comes immediately after the last. i'm rather unsure about it, so all the feedback you can give me would be helpful. thank you! enjoy!

We dreamed together.
We watched from a high mountain cliff as ocean waves rose to massive heights and pounded the waiting shores. Ocean, be still, Peter whispered into the night. The water stilled itself, sighed, and stretched calmly toward the horizon.
We watched from the treetops as raging rivers rose and tore through the woods, tearing all life up from its roots. Animals fled before the water and the trees groaned under the burden of the rushing currents. The water spilled over the banks and lapped at everything along the ground. River, be still, Peter whispered through the trees. The water sank back to the bank. The trees bloomed and smiled, the deer drank from the mirrored surface of the river.
We watched from the sky as funnels spun through the land, tearing up the world. Mountains crumbled under the storms, the rocks crashed and shook the earth. The rain poured in torrents, drowning everything. The water rose, higher and higher, until it met the sky and there was nothing but night. Water, be still, Peter whispered through the clouds. The water drained from the earth, leaving it cleaner and fresher than the world had ever know it before.
As it once was, so it will begin again.
Peter stood on a mountain, looking down at the ocean, a cloud racing by above him. He smiled and the word spilled from my mouth before I had even thought it. The name filled the air and quivered on the electricity in the clouds.
Poseidon.
We all woke up with the same gasp, but Peter was already awake, looking between his sister and I with a hand covering his mouth. We stared at him in silence. Marc ripped out of the tent and raced to the car, sliding in beside me, only to continue to stare at Peter. A peel of thunder echoed in the distance.
"I..." Peter began.
"Poseidon." Marc finished, excitement in his voice.
"I don't even know what that means," Peter said in a whisper.
"The god of the sea," Marc said, his eyes wide.
"But does that mean...?"
"I don't know."
"I don't feel like..." Peter shook his head back and forth, "I can't do all that stuff, I'd never be able to do that..."
"Of course you would," Haylee said, "Look at what you did today."
"But that was nothing, I can't even control it! I can't do anything!"
"No, I can't do anything," I cut in. They all stared at me. "What I'm saying is... I don't know what it means. I don't know what 'as it once was, so it will begin again,' is supposed to tell us. I can't tell you how to control it or what to do with it. But it's a gift, Peter, it has to be. You saved Haylee's life today. The dream showed just how much good you could do with it," Peter opened his mouth to interrupt but I went on, "Maybe not right now, but some day." They all looked at me for a long time.
"Nope, I don't want it," Peter finally said, "You can have it, Dakota. I'm no good."
We discussed this way for a long time, each taking turns explaining our ideas and what we thought the dream had meant. Eventually, we talked ourselves into silence. I was thinking through the line again, of what once was would begin again, when Peter broke the quiet with a soft snore. Haylee and I rolled our eyes at each other and she curled up on the seat again. Marc was asleep with his head propped up on his hand. I laid my head against the window, listening to the thunder humming softly in the distance, and finally I fell asleep. We dreamt of a forest.
Our feet made happy squelching noises against the moss on the ground. The light filtering through the canopy was every shade of green, wrapping us in the moist darkness of the leaves. Giant trees stretched into the sky all around. Redwood, Marc whispered in my ear and I realized that we were in the Redwood forest of Northern California. Was it possible that such a cool, wet place existed only a few days drive from the desert where we were? We walked on until we heard a crackling noise approaching in the darkness. Moving through the trees ahead was a bright, yellow light. Haylee? Peter called. A second later, she appeared from behind a huge trunk. She stood several feet away, her hands stretched out in front of her. Balanced in her little palms were two bright balls of fire.
I woke up to the warm air on my face, but as I examined the overcast sky I was thankful that it would not be so hot today. Marc and Peter were both still asleep with their heads rested against the windows. I looked around for Haylee and saw her sitting in the shade of the little palm tree, staring at her hands. I climbed out quietly and went to sit next to her.
"At least the forest is better than the desert," I suggested after a long silence.
"What if something bad happens? Like when we came here?" She stared fixedly at her palms.
"I think we can handle it," Peter said, climbing from the car and making his way toward us. Marc rose from the backseat but kept his distance, his eyes on me.
"I can't put any of you in danger," she whispered.
"Give us a little credit, we'll be alright," I said, putting my arm around her shoulders. "Well," I added, "Give you some credit, I'm totally useless." She smiled.
"I love you just the same," she said.
"We've got bigger fish to fry," Peter grunted, gesturing toward the car, "how are we going to get there?" We stared at the broken vehicle, it's hood still open, yawning toward the clouds.
"I can take us," Marc said.
"What?" Peter asked him, incredulous.
"I can push it," he said, laying a hand against the trunk of the car.
"There's no way you can push it all that way." Haylee shook her head.
"Of course he can," Peter said, understanding dawning on his face, "didn't you see him yesterday?"
"I don't understand what that has to do with anything," she said, looking between them.
"It appears that I am..." Marc began, a smile curling around the corners of his mouth, "very fast."
“That’s what you were doing yesterday? To get away from the lightning? You were running?” Haylee’s eyes were wide. Marc nodded happily.
"No," I broke in, getting to my feet, "no way you're running us up the state."
"I think it's a great idea," Peter said, sliding back into the driver's seat, "hop in, guys!" I stayed in place where I was and Haylee walked over to Marc.
"We're too heavy," she said, her eyebrows pulled together.
"Peter will leave it in neutral and steer, it won't take any effort."
"It will be exhausting," she pleaded. He shrugged his shoulders.
"I'll be fine, Haylee. Please trust me." He smiled gently at her. After a long moment she climbed into the passenger's seat with a sigh.
"No!" I yelled, pounding my way through the sand to stand in front of him, summoning my most intimidating look, "No! I'm not letting you." He raised an eyebrow in disbelief, a huge grin covering his face. It was hard to be firm with him when he looked so beautiful.
"Are you," he grinned wider, "worried about me?"
"You can't control it, you won't be able to do it right," I stood my ground.
"Yes I will." He opened the backdoor for me. I didn't budge.
"You won't be able to stop, you'll crash and kill us all."
"No I won't." He was still smiling.
"Well... You..." I struggled to find an argument, "You'll vanish us!" I actually stomped my foot. He continued to smile and pulled me gently into the backseat, closing the door.
"She has a point there," Peter said, leaning across to look at Marc through the open window.
"I will be fine," he assure us. He leaned through my window and breathed into my ear, "as long as you keep your clothes on." He winked at me and made his way to the back of the car. I suppressed a shiver and kept my arms folded tightly across my chest. Was he flirting with me? No body flirted with me. Didn’t he understand that I was totally impossible around men, not to mention around all people in general? They only times I could even manage to get close to him I was either losing my mind at the kitchen table or comforted by the darkness of the car ride. I couldn’t speak or react. Was he expecting something other than my burning cheeks and shaking hands. My stomach twisted anxiously.
"Seatbelts on," Marc called from the back. We all obeyed.
"Ready?" he called again.
"Wait!" Peter shouted and jumped from the seat, jogging around the meet Marc at the back. I watched them in the rearview mirror.
"I'm sorry," Peter said in a low voice, "for trying to zap you with lightning."
"I'm sorry, too," Marc said, surprised, "I didn't mean that... about your mother."
"I know," Peter said, almost in a whisper. Then he caught Marc in a tight, one-armed hug. "Thank you," he whispered, "for my sister." He hopped into the front seat and pulled his seatbelt on.
"Ready?" Marc called again and before anyone could answer, we were flying.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

What I like about this section is that you aren't afraid to have a little lyrical flight, to insert a little poetry into the narrative. I am not sure if that is part of what you were nervous about with this section, but I think it is a good thing for the story and for the reader to immerse themselves in this intensely visual and evocative language. Plus, it shows your chops, ya know?
The only small concern I have is that I am unclear about where they are and when the time is. I thought they were sleeping in the car, but then you remind us the car is junked. It might just be good to remind your readers if it's night or day or where they're sleeping, especially since you have two sleeping episodes right in a row. Is it the middle of the night, then they wake up and go back to sleep until morning? And are they sleeping in the junked car? Just some small details that it nevers hurts to remind the readers of so that they don't get confused and stop reading to flip back and figure out what's up. I really like this section, though. A lot.

Tim Abel said...

First. I like this building up of the water power. I think that we really connect with the immensity of it in this passage, and I like it in conjunction with the super emotional last passage. I have been holding on to that thought for a while, more to come.

Okay here is more: I like too, that we get a glimpse into Dakota's vulnerability finally since she is the only one who hasn't exhibited a "power," I feel like she is our link to questioning this whole life you have created for them. I think it is really important to expand and really build on Dakota's role as narrator since we can glimpse not only her interpretation of the world, but her thoughts. This inner life is clearly really important to the narrative since much has come through the communal dreams, so it might be interesting to have brief points of introspection or doubt to punctuate such gripping action.

Anonymous said...

"Are you," he grinned wider, "worried about me?"

i absolutely love Marc. This section sold him on me.