Wednesday, July 23, 2008

the shadow people

this next scene comes almost immediately after the last one that i posted. it's not SUPER exciting (the one after this will be a little bit more interesting) but this one has a lot of important information and character stuff in it, so i felt it was necessary for those of you reading along at home. :) all you've really missed is that Dakota has woken up at Peter and Haylee's house, had a rather hysterical episode as the experiences of the past few days have caught up with her, and spent a long time in the shower trying to organize her thoughts. so there we are, enjoy!

The steam faded from the mirror and I could make out my reflection. It was mostly unchanged; wide green eyes set in a pale, heart-shaped face, thin brown hair falling straight to my shoulders, broad lips, dark circles etched under my eyes. I was the same as always, and I was through with the meltdowns- it was completely unlike me. I was calculating, analytical, and logical. I prepared myself to get down to whatever needed to be done. When my hair had thoroughly dried itself, a soft knock came on the bathroom door.
"Are you alright, Dakota?" Haylee's voice called. I felt a brief, unexplainable relief that I had not dreamed her and turned to open the door. "Oh!" she said, startled. I was a little shocked to see both brother and sister standing on the landing, looking curious. Haylee attempted to hide her concern by standing up straighter but Peter retained his surveillance with his arms folded across his chest. I cracked a smile, it felt strange and foreign on my face.
"Are you going to fall down again?" Peter asked. Haylee threw her elbow into his ribs but he ignored her. I smiled again, this one felt better.
"Probably." I shrugged and we made our way back downstairs.
Haylee laid more food out on the table; a bowl of hot soup and a loaf of bread. Peter and I ate eagerly as Haylee smiled in appreciation at our appetites. When we had finished, Peter propped his feet up on the table and Haylee washed the plates. I waited until she was seated again, giving her brother an appraising look that made him quickly lower his feet to the ground, before I began my questions.
"What happened?" I figured it was best to start with the biggest question first.
"We don't know," Peter replied, "The sirens went off, we heard the bombs or whatever those explosions were, so we hid out in here. When it was over... this is what we found."
"Where are the other people?"
"We don't know that either," Haylee answered this time, sadness in her eyes. "We searched for three days before we even found you. You're the first person we've seen." Three days. I couldn't believe it was possible that I had slept in that bathtub for three days, but I pushed it aside.
"Where have you looked?"
"Everywhere." Peter answered immediately. "We've been all over the city. There's no one here."
"Where could they be?" I asked, perplexed.
"Well..." he began, surveying my face for any hint of weakness, "there are bodies. In the streets and in the buildings, but there's no one alive like us." I swallowed hard.
"There could still be others," Haylee added, covering my hand with hers in comfort, "but we just don't know where they could be. It's hard to believe they got out of the city so fast, when we've been looking for any sign of life, but it's possible."
"No radio or television?" I asked my next important question.
"No," he said, clenching his fist in frustration. "Not a thing. No warning or announcement or explanation. Nothing." We were quiet again. I turned my full attention to Peter.
"You said something before, in the street," he looked embarrassed for a moment and then smoothed his face again, "about me being one of them. What did you mean? One of what?" He exchanged a heavy look with his sister who shook her head once, very slightly.
"I want to know," I said harshly. "I need to know everything. I wont fall down again," I added with a tight smile. Peter took a deep breath.
"Well... we're not really sure what they are. But they're not... human. It doesn't seem like it, anyway." He sighed again.
It took me a moment to register what he had said. The words slowly slid into my conscious mind, audibly clicking into meaning one by one. Suddenly, it seemed certain to me that I was having some horrible dream. It felt real, though. I could feel my fingernails digging into the wood of the tabletop. I could feel my heart thudding dully in my chest, denying any reality of the words that were being spoken. I could feel Haylee's eyes on me and the quiet throb of my muscles. But it couldn't be real. I desperately raked through my store of excuses and explanations, seeking out one that would explain the new world that I had woken to. What was the last thing I remembered? Had someone poisoned me? Had I hit my head?
"Here," Peter said, breaking my train of thoughts, "I'll show you."
"Peter, I don't know if now is the best time," Haylee whispered quickly to him. He ignored her, pushing away from the table and making his way to a small, boarded up window near the back of the room. She caught his arm as he went.
"Pete, really," her forehead creased again, "let's wait until tomorrow. She's exhausted."
"I'm alright," I defended, standing to follow him. She held his eyes for a long moment.
"I wouldn't know how to describe them, Hal. She'll be alright." She lowered her hand in defeat but nodded her head. We both followed him to the window.
"Just don't yell or anything, alright?" Peter said. He slid one of the wooden boards aside, revealing a small view into a tiny backyard. The sun was hidden behind the clouds and already very low in the sky, smothering the little yard in shadow. My eyes adjusted for a moment before I could make out a dark shape lurking several feet away, facing the house. I bit down on my lip to hold back a gasp and willed my heart not to make so much noise. The figure of a man stood facing where we watching, barely moving. He was hardly distinguishable from the dull fog floating through the air, except for his eyes. Deep in his hollow face, bright red eyes stared unblinking out into the falling night. It wasn't just the irises that were red, but the entire eye. His dark skin blended into the shadows and the dust particles floated straight through him. The only movement that he seemed to be making was a slight blurring around the edges.
"He shimmers, right?" Peter whispered, as if hearing my thoughts. "You should see him in the sun, it's like... heat waves or something. You can see right through him."
"Who is he?" I croaked, unable to control the volume of my voice.
"We don't know. We just looked out one morning a few days ago and he was there. He hasn't budged since. We don't think he knows that we're here because... well... let's just make sure that he doesn't know we're here."
"But... can he hurt us if he's not... solid?" The words sounded insane to me.
"Yes," Haylee answered solemnly. "The first morning there were two in the street. They didn't seem to notice much around them but went after each other pretty viciously. They slammed together and the sound was incredible. They might not solid but they're clearly... tough. They knocked each other around, breaking windows and busting cars. And then the bigger one just..."
"Tore the other one apart," Peter finished, sliding the board closed once more. "They're gross, aren't they?" he asked to no one in particular. I stayed rooted to the tiles beneath me. Haylee laid a hand on my shoulder.
"I think we should all get some sleep," she said, with no room for argument.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

You're wrong about this not being interesting! This is some seriously great writing. It is still fast-paced, but it takes the reader with it. Haylee's character is interesting to me. I can't get a sense of how old she is, but she seems rather motherly, especially given how she makes them the food, and seems to be wanting to take care of the others. I also feel very much like I know Dakota better now. Will something develop between her and Peter? Seems like a very slight undertone right now.
P.S. Great descriptions of the monsters. It doesn't seem cheesy at all, but actually quite eerie. And I am not much of one for sci-fi stuff. Er, except Charmed. But don't tell anyone that.

Tim Abel said...

I am in love with this story already, but I know that doesn't help you in terms of feedback. I am really taken by the fact that even in such a still and almost quiet moment in the story it feels just as jarring and tense as the fragmentary chaos that preceded it. (well, misty-red-eyed-foggy men are pretty jarring, I guess.) I like the strength in Dakota's perspective, and I feel like it really drove this portion. Where as even though Dakota was our in in the last snippet, Peter was really the lead figure. The small details of character are great additions to the dialogue, and create a really strong frame of reference for the simple language. I feel like we as readers are learning about the characters and the situation at almost the same pace that they are learning about their condition and each other, if that makes sense. Strangely, I had the same reaction about Haylee's age as cai did, but I am confused in a slightly different way. I felt like should know from the last episode, but something made me want to rethink that detail this time around. I get the feeling like Peter is older than she is though, but she seems somehow younger than Dakota. I guess she is older to me in this addition, but that could be that she is showing more maturity in this moment than in the last part. This might be resolved in later writing, so I am excited to see how the complexity of your characters and the world around them unfolds.